Friday, January 4, 2008


Triple D sized bras are amazing. For not only can they support the largest of breasts, but they can also be used as a great hiding place. I was at Wal-mart with my kids last night. Always a bad idea. My eight year old son, being disgruntled by the fact that I was against him spitting on his younger brother, hanging on the cart like a monkey and running through the isles, yelling at the top of his lungs like a barbarian, stormed off around the corner in disgust. To further show his displeasure he kicked one of his new shoes into the air. Naturally, he didn’t follow the path of the flying shoe with his eyes, and came back to me with one shoe missing. He happened to be standing by the ladies underwear section when his shoe took flight, so that is where our search commenced. I never thought I’d have my son look through women’s underwear, but there we were peering through boxes of panties, hung bras, and crawling on our bellies to peek under isles. We probably looked like a bunch of perverts. Soon, no less that 5 employees had joined our search party, but to no avail. The shoe could not be found. (I would just like to add that these shoes were pretty expensive and he’d only had them since Christmas.)
My daughter did not find this game amusing, and was letting her vocals ring out at a very specific frequency that penetrates the head and melts the brain. I think I pulled more than a few hairs out in exasperation. Finally after a FULL HOUR of searching, the elusive black shoe was found, practically invisible, nestled snuggly inside the cup of a triple D black bra. Being a woman with a smaller chest size, I was completely clueless to the amount that such a bra could contain… and conceal. I have to say I am amazed. Irritated, frustrated and now slightly more bald, but amazed all the same.

6 comments:

AntSlice said...

From The Physics of Bras Overcoming Newton's second law with better bra technology, "A pair of D-cup breasts weighs between 15 and 23 pounds—the equivalent of carrying around two small turkeys."

Also, while exercising or running, "In some cases, breasts can slap against the chest with enough force to break the clavicle."

With this in mind, one could argue that breasts this size be considered weapons, and so the term "D cup bras" could be used interchangeably with "holsters."

Anonymous said...

Okay, now, you two! You can joke, because you don't wear one!

To mangle a quote from my favorite movie: "You want pain? Try wearing a D-cup!" Believe me, its not that far off - they're almost as bad as a corset. Those who are polite, won't ask just how I know these things for certain!

Tina Sims Gifford said...

I've heard the myth that martial artists have to register their body as a weapon, I didn't think you'd have to register a specific part of your body!

Tina Sims Gifford said...

Do you have a permit to carry those.

AntSlice said...

Hey! You can't say that! That's my favorite pick up line!

Michelle said...

I enjoyed reading your story with d bras. We have different stories about it, but yours is interesting.