Hairy Matt

Matt: "It's been TEN YEARS and I STILL don't have facial hair!!!"

Mom: "Matt, you won't start getting facial hair until you hit puberty."

Matt: "But David (Matt's friend) said he's been in puberty THREE times already, and I haven't even been in it once!"

Hmmm. Yeah. Kind of forgot that this thing existed.

Time to RESURRECT it!

Mwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ninjas don't need tonsils

Tina with Two Tonsils is soon to become Tina with Two Minus Two Tonsils!!!  (have to keep with the alliteration!)

That's right, it's time to say goodbye to some life-long friends of mine.  Maybe the Dr. will let me keep them.  I could put them in a jar on my coffee table as a great conversation piece.  Mmmm.  Maybe they'll even find my twin in one of the tonsils!

I hear it's a horrible surgery as an adult, but I'm ok with it because I hear that tonsils just slow ninjas down.  At least that's what EVERYBODY says.

A handy list of things I'm afraid of:

(Ninja's are allowed to be afraid of 7 things)

1.  Spiders. (too creepy for a picture)

2.  SHARKS!  Look at this picture!!!  Do I REALLY need to explain this fear?

3.  Whales.  I know they're supposed to be all cute and cuddly, but they make me squirm in my seat.  

4.  Freaky Big Fish.  (or any size fish for that matter)  Fish this big should NOT be normal!  Think of them  swimming under you... where you can't see them...  

5.  Ominous weeds in water.  The evil kind that are just waiting to tangle up your legs and drag you to a watery death!!!  (I can hardly look at this picture!)

6.  The ocean.  And waves.  I really don't like waves.  And any form of ocean life.  And pictures of ocean creatures.  And great expanses of water.  And boats that go into those great expanses of water... 

AAAGGHHH!!!

I am now taking big, deep, cleansing breaths.

Ahh.

Much better.

I just can't scroll up. 

7.  Bricks.  Not just any kind of bricks.  The kind that I have to break for my 3rd dan test with my teeny, tiny HAND!!!  The hand that is chuck full of breakable bones... and that is attached to a delicate wrist that I'm positive is NOT shatter-proof!!!  And the kind of brick that has lots of jagged edges that like to bite and tear and rip apart your skin to make you pay for breaking it.

Yeah, I'm kind of scared of those kind of bricks.  :(

April Fools Day 2009

Unsuspecting Father falls Victim to Offspring Scam

A father, and resident of Eagle Mountain, returned home from work on Wednesday, April 1st just like any other day, but this day was to be far from ordinary. 

 

"I knew the kids were in trouble the moment I walked in the door.  They were both sitting in 'time out' chairs and neither looked very happy.  I didn't see the wounds until I got closer."

What Ryan Gifford, the father of the children, didn't know was that it was all a ruse.

"I told him the boys had gotten into a fight.  I told him Carter had cut Matt's face with his pocket knife and Matt had punched Carter in the face in retaliation."  The boy's mother laughingly told reporters. 

But the Father was far from laughing.  Witnesses, including the children's grandparents, say he was "deeply concerned" and his reaction was one of shock and anger.

"He was really mad at us."  Carter Gifford, one of the children sheepishly explained.  "He told me I couldn't have a pocket knife anymore.  He thought Matt was going to have to get stitches."

The game was soon revealed, however, and all involved had a good laugh.  Even the dad.

"They got me."  He admitted.  "They really got me."

http://seriouslysoblessed.blogspot.com/

Funniest blog EVER!  My brother and sister-in-law told me about it and they are my new favorite people.  The rest of you are going to have to try a little harder to get to the top of my list.

My new exercise video

Watch this!!! You won't regret it!

BOYS!

We live the law of Moses at the Gifford house.  An eye for an eye and all that.  Actually, it looks more like an eye for a tooth.

When Matt gets a hold of the camara!

Anyone have any ideas on what this is a picture of? I think the lighter pink protrusion is Matt's tongue... other than that it's a mystery. Maybe I should blow it up, hang it in my home and call it art. All that it needs is a title.

*** TINA SPARKLES***

So, I was asked by some friends where my nickname "Tina Sparkles" came from. One gal commented, "I just thought it was because you liked sparkles a lot, but that didn't really seem like you." I should hope not!!!  My family started calling me Tina Sparkles when the movie Strictly Ballroom came out. HILARIOUS movie... and if you don't like it, then I don't like you. The first time you see it, it's weird... after that, it's just funny. Here's the only clip I could find that has a scene with the infamous Tina Sparkles. You have to keep watching for a few minutes before you get to her. 

Wendy Arnold LOVES hot tamales.  EVERYONE knows that.  

I was preparing a "truth or dare" game at one of our girl trips.  Different pieces of candy, linked to different secret truths or embarrassing tasks were put into a cup.  The unlucky individual that chose the hot tamale would be awarded the most humiliating deed to perform.  Having previous knowledge of Wendy's violent attraction towards this small, red candy, I felt certain that she would be the one to be "do(ing) a sexy dance down the circular staircase", as the rest of us laughed at her unfortunate circumstances.  My evil plans were falling into place.  Or so I thought.

I passed the cup around, a satisfied and sinister smile upon my face.  I looked into the cup to see which piece of candy had been rejected by all others.  The piece that was to be MY piece.

I hate it when karma comes back to bite you in the back side! 

You have to watch it sideways.  Alison recorded it and let's face it... she's a little sideways.  (But that's why I love her!!!)

My Genius Child

My 8 year old son drew this self portrait.  That's right... 8 YEARS OLD!!!  I know all moms think their children are amazing and wonderful, but... this is AMAZING and WONDERFUL!!!

The coolest Kinder Egg toy EVER!!!

To those of you who don't know what Kinder Eggs are, I say boo!

I discovered these chocolate candy eggs that hold a surprise toy inside while in Russia.

One such Kinder Egg held this...

It's a dog...

It's a Little Man!!!

Isn't that absolutely amazing!?!  I don't know why I love this so much, but I do.

Is that so wrong?

Before I got mine, my friend Missy got one that was a hedgehog/little man.

I coveted it.

I despised her for owning it.

I tried to steal it.

It didn't work.

I cried.

Now that I have my own, I have returned to loving her again.

All is as it should be in the universe.

I found some old yearbook pics of myself. Ah! Those were the good old days. I was voted "Most likely win an E.T. look alike contest". I still can't figure out if that was a compliment or not.

If you'd like to dig up some of your old yearbook photos, go to yearbookyourself.com
It's amazing what you'll find.

Girls Camp '08

The Wilderness Wars
Tina Gifford VS. Black Bear Mama





The arena is gone, only to be replaced by the great outdoors. The thundering crowd has vanished, becoming only a faint scent on the wind. The only spectators are a few furry woodland creatures. Yet the battle will be just as vicious. In the red corner, Black Bear Mama with her two cubs. In the blue corner, Tina with her two friends. Although equal in number, the teams are grotesquely uneven. Good thing Tina brought her ninja skills with her! The teams face each other,the first stage of the battle being fought with the mind. The competition is sized up, their weaknesses sought out to later be used against them. Strengths are also noted and mentally filed away in a cool, calculated way. Bear: big sharp claws; Tina: Ninja skills. Bear: Big sharp teeth; Tina: ninja skills. Bear: really strong; Tina: ninja skills. Bear: can run really fast; Tina: ninja skills. Strategy is cunningly laid. All this happens in the blink of an eye. A strange wind picks up, blowing neighboring trees in anticipation, yet a circle of eerie calm encases the opponents. Suddenly, the blue team springs into action. Stealthily they back away around the corner, away from the bears piercing gaze. (A bear's Jedi mind powers are very strong.) Then, relying on Tina's ninja skills, the knowledge and wisdom she has accumulated over the years and countless hours of training, they RUN FOR IT!!!
(ninja skills TOTALLY include running away and screaming like a little girl. Although as a ninja, your little girl screaming takes place inside the confines of your mind.)

Yeah, so I pretty much won that one too.
(I didn't get eaten did I???)

Girls Camp '08

The Push-up Wars
Tina Gifford VS. 20 Priesthood leaders

The arena seats are filled to maximum capacity, all eyes focused on the spectacle on stage. The once dead microphone crackles to life in the hands of the commentator. In the red corner, weighing in at an accumulative estimated weight of 4000 lbs, masses twenty priesthood leaders. In the blue corner, weighing in at 100 lbs, Tina Gifford stands alone. The rules are simple; whomever completes the most push-ups in one minutes time is crowned the victor. A hush falls over the crowd as the competitors assume the possition. A shrill whistle blow pierces the air, simultaneously spurring the athletes into motion and releasing the spectators from their spell-bound silence. The crowds yells drown out the grunts of effort coming from the red side. Already some of their team have succumed to exhaustion and lay helpless on the concrete floor. The blue side is quiet, each push-up as easily executed as the one before it. The crowds favorite is easily distinguished as its shout begins to form into a rythm of chanting. "TINA! TINA!" Time has hit its halfway mark. "32, 33, 34..." The crowd screams out each push towards victory. "38, 39, 40..." As Tina's number count mounts, so does the dropped out members of the red team. "45, 46, 47..." Soon, one lone man remains. "53, 54, 55..." The minutes end approaches. The last man knows he is simply too far behind to win, yet he laboriously continues to try and hold on to some dignity. "59, 60, 61!!!" The crowd goes wild as the final whistle blows, ending the battle. The champion gets to her feet. The red teams sits, defeated, in stunned silence. The adoring crowd stands in celebratory jubilation. 61 push-ups in 60 seconds. It was a push-up war that would go down in the history books.

That was rather quite fun winning. I guess all those push-ups in Taekwondo have paid off.

RYAN GRADUATED!!!

Last night was Ryan's last night of school... FOREVER!
He now has his masters degree!
He knows LOTS of stuff.

That's one of his professors in the background coming to give him a pat on the back.

My family is groovier than yours!

(I'm the baby)

Toad's B-day

My big brother's birthday was yesterday.  I forgot to call him.  I always remember his birthday on the 29th.  He obviously was meant to be born on the 29th, so it's not MY fault for remembering a day late... it's HIS fault for being born on the wrong day!!!  Being born early was extremely inconsiderate of him.  If only he knew the guilt I suffer from his impatience to exit the womb.  SHEESH!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOAD!!!

I am a scumbag sister, and I grovel at your feet!

(Bet you didn't know I have this, did you?)