Genetic testing is really quite simple when you think about it.  Just a quick swab of the cheek, run it through a machine and presto!  However, my husband came up with a much simpler way to prove parenthood.  Like most inspired ideas, this one came to him while sleeping.  Let us travel now to the land of Ryan's dreams.  Doolalaloo, Doolalaloo, Doolalaloo. (That's the sound it makes when you travel into someone's subconscious.)

The setting:  Well Dreamland of course, SILLY!

The plot: Ryan's three children have been turned back into babies.

The conflict:  Not only have they been turned back into babies, but they look exactly the same as about 100 babies around them.  How to tell which are his?

Now this may seem like an impossible situation.  Hundreds of babies that all look the same!  What ever is to be done?  Have no fear, Ryan's brain is here!  He came up with a solution that involves cutting edge technology.

The solution:  It's quite simple; just follow these three easy steps.

1. Shrink the babies down to the size of a lima bean.  

2. Place in either nostril.

3. Watch to see if baby sprouts out your nose.  If it sprouts, congratulations!  You're the parent.  If not, don't loose hope!  Just try another.

I think this process is brilliant and deserves scientific exploration.  If we could introduce this concept to the world and make it available to the public, the benefits would be immeasurable. No more uncomfortable cotton swabs.  No more waiting around for some machine!  No more having to take a doctor's word for it!  Now you can see the IMMEDIATE results for yourself!

Of course research isn't free.  Funding for a project of this magnitude is not easy to obtain.  But you can help!  Just send cash, check, money order, precious stones, family heirlooms to:

BabySprouts, inc.

743 n frankenstein road

65436